Faux Finish
by Magic Toast
Summary: Snape's portrait is lonely, though he doesn't realize it. Harry determines that talking to a portrait is easier than talking to a marriage counselor. SS/HP
1. Chapter 1

**Faux Finish**  
Author: Magic Toast  
Genre: Drama, romance  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the story.  
Warning: Snarry. DH spoilers.  
A/N: I challenged myself to write a Deathly Hallows compatible Snarry fic without bringing Snape back from the dead. Unfortunately, until I finish _Our Heart in Stone_, this will not be updated on a regular basis. And, of course, not all chapters will be this short-- I simply find it easier to start a story with a short chapter.  
_Italics_ mean thoughts or emphasis  
- Means a change in scene or P.o.V.

No one had ever come to the Headmaster's Office with the express intent of visiting Severus Snape's portrait. This fact didn't particularly bother him; Dumbledore was welcome to hold all the press-conferences he wanted from his frame, but Snape was quite content with being left alone. He was actually quite surprised when he first opened his painted eyes as a portrait; he would have thought that the present headmaster (Minerva McGonagall; and a finer replacement for Dumbledore would never be found) would have fought to the death to keep him off their prestigious wall. He had confronted Dumbledore's portrait about it (even after death, he couldn't get away from the man) and Dumbledore simply smiled and said, "You were still a headmaster, Severus."

Snape would have preferred the title "dictator" or "malevolent ruler". Those would've been more accurate, anyways.

But after Snape had opened his eyes for the first time (and, consequently, received a very stern, very angry lecture from Minerva), no one had come to see him. Not even, judging by the whispers from the other portraits when they were awake, the one who had him mounted in the first place.

That was until, two weeks ago, Thursday-- approximately a three years, a month, and five days since Voldemort had been defeated-- Harry Potter came to the Headmaster's Office.


	2. Chapter 2

"Good afternoon, Harry!" Dumbledore's portrait exclaimed.

Harry, looking every bit as boyish as he did when Snape had last seen him (he tried not to think about that too often), smiled sheepishly. "Hello, Professor Dumbledore."

Then, after a moment of silence, he looked at Snape's portrait as well. "Good afternoon, Professor Snape."

Snape's mouth fell open. "It was...it was..."

Harry scratched the back of his neck, looking at his impossibly clean shoes.

"You're the one who put me up here!" Snape screeched.

"I-- I talked to some people," Harry said quietly.

Snape sputtered angrily for several moments, before disappearing from his frame entirely.

Harry looked at Dumbledore, unsure whether to be surprised or frightened.

"Don't worry about him, dear boy. He was terribly melodramatic in life, and death hasn't mellowed him a single bit. He's probably on the fourth floor, sulking in the trees. He'll come back down eventually." Dumbledore became serious, folding his hands and leaning forward. "How may I help you, dear boy?"

Harry looked around helplessly. "I, err, I actually need to talk to Professor McGonagall..."

* * *

Snape stomped through the woods, more out of habit than anything. Normally he could send at least one or two students fleeing in shock as he passed through the fourth floor landscape, but all the students had departed for the summer. He glowered at the hallway, but not even a ghost passed to acknowledge him. One of the suits of armor shuffled awkwardly away from the portrait.

_Why Potter?_

He settled against one of the trees, grumbling when his robes got caught on the bark. Even as a portrait, he was confined to the rules of nature and memory.

_Why Potter?_

Sometimes he wished he had simply forgotten everything when he became a portrait. Death had been neither swift nor kind to him, and the circumstances surrounding his death had been even more painful.

_Why..._

Why couldn't Potter just mind his own business? Why did he have to go and put himself where he didn't belong, and give Snape a portrait? He could have finally whispered away to oblivion, to his final rest, maybe even-- maybe even to Lily--

_Why Potter?_

Snape cupped his face in his hands, clenching his eyes shut. He'd never been allowed to his own business, why would such a thing be permitted after his death? Of course his fate would be meddled with, whether by Dumbledore or Voldemort or Potter made no difference.

_He's about twenty, now. Same as Lily was when she bore him._

Snape sighed deeply. Being a portrait was much more difficult than it seemed.

* * *

When Snape finally returned to his frame, Dumbledore was having tea with the Fat Lady ("My _name_ is _Belinda_!") and Violet, gossiping in whispered voices, as if the other portraits would have woken up if they'd spoken in normal tones. Snape rolled his eyes, but (seeing that Harry had vacated the premises) settled comfortably in his portrait.

"And to think he'd be back here, oh, dear goodness, I'm so terribly excited!"

Snape felt a pit of dread welling in his stomach. He peered into Dumbledore's frame, around the monstrous girth of the Fat Lady ("BELINDA!").

Dumbledore smiled at him gently. "Back from your sulk, Severus?"

Snape frowned. "I wasn't sulking, Albus." He no longer felt the need to refer to him as headmaster, but Dumbledore didn't seem to mind this.

"Well, you've made it just in time to hear the magnificent news," Dumbledore beamed.

"Harry Potter's returning to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts!" Violet shrieked in excitement.

For the second time that day, Snape's mouth dropped open. "Oh...oh no..."

"Oh yes, Severus," McGonagall said, the door slamming behind her as she entered the Headmaster's Office. She crossed her arms, frowning testily at his portrait. "And I won't have you harassing him every waking moment, do you understand?"

Snape scowled. "Perfectly, Minerva. I was simply under the pretense that Our Glorious Leader--" that earned him a nasty glare from McGonagall, "--was working with the Aurors."

McGonagall rolled her eyes, prowling to her desk and sinking into her chair. "Harry said he needed a break. Professor Kinneas said he didn't mind taking the year off so Harry could teach for a little while."

"A born teacher!" The Fat Lady ("_**BELINDA**_.") proclaimed, raising her teacup. Dumbledore and Violet raised theirs as well, and McGonagall nodded her approval.

"He did very well when he was leading the D.A., all those years ago."

Snape snorted, then laughed.

"Oh, for goodness sake, Severus, what now?"

"Will he be living on the premises?"

McGonagall blinked. "Of course, why wouldn't he?"

"Don't you see? Remember how he married that Weasley--"

"Ginevra," both McGonagall and Dumbledore said sternly.

"_That Weasley_ only days after she graduated? Why on Earth would he leave his spouse of-- two years?-- two years in order to teach nasty little brats, when he could have a cush job at the Ministry paying far more?" Snape gave a nasty smile.

McGonagall rolled her eyes. "Surely, you're not implying--"

"Oh, yes I am. Black! Wake UP, BLACK! I know you visited them--"

"Oh, shut up, Snape," Phineas growled, adjusting himself in his frame. "You already know the answer to that, I told you."

Snape smirked smugly at McGonagall, who looked absolutely aghast.

"But-- marital problems? They're so young!"

Snape rolled his eyes. "Exactly, Minerva. They're young and restless. I'm certain that one of them has gone and found a _side relationship_, if you understand my meaning."

"That's enough, Severus!" Dumbledore's voice boomed unexpectedly. Violet and the Fat Lady ("SEVERUS, MY NAME IS BELINDA.") both chattered their agreement quietly.

"Now, Severus. Whether they are or are not having marital issues is none of your concern, and you _will not press the issue_. And, Minnie, I know you have their best interests at hearts, but I would ask that you let the matter be as well. If he is having a problem with Ginevra, then he will have to work it out with her himself."

He sighed deeply, then took a long sip of tea. "This blend is simply impeccable, Belinda."

A/N: Please review. Critique is always welcome.

Edit-- thank you for correcting me, Duj. XD Kudos.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Another short chapter, I'm afraid. Do forgive me.

Information traveled quickly in the portrait network at Hogwarts. Snape knew only minutes after Harry arrived that he had come alone, with no possessions, and was currently residing in the South Tower-- away from where all the other professors typically resided. He also knew that Harry had been seen slinking around near the statue of the hump-backed witch; probably to use the secret passage to Hogsmeade (why he would choose a secret passage in the middle of summer baffled Snape to no end).

Snape was pleasantly amused to note that Sir Cadogan, when informing him of all this, had mentioned that Harry had a bright red handprint on his left cheek.

The Weasley must not have taken too well to his idea of a break.

Despite McGonagall's frequent, stern warnings, Snape couldn't help but meander through the South Tower from time to time-- usually, he just wandered around the staircase, hoping to catch Harry on his way to or from the room. This peculiar urge to see him bothered Snape; he'd never had any interest in celebrity of any flavor, let alone Harry's. The desire to seek him out was sudden, inexplicable, and (to Snape, at least) frivolous.

He hadn't actually planned what to say or do if he ever saw Harry, which left him in a rather embarrassing situation when Harry emerged from his room in his bedclothes, blinking blearily at his portrait from behind overly-large spectacles.

"Professor? What're you doing up here?" He mumbled.

Snape, frozen in surprise and unable to break his rude-streak (unwilling to, at least), snapped, "I could ask the same of you, Mister Potter."

Harry snorted a little bit-- it took Snape a moment to realize he was laughing. "Funny story about that, Professor. Long. Boring. You probably don't want to hear it."

Snape wanted to ask, _When did you get a sense of humor, and when were you given permission to use it with me?_ but instead he said, "I have time to spare." It came out a bit more maliciously than he intended.

Well, maybe not.

Harry sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses and wiping the sleep from his eyes. "Well, see, last night I saw this staircase, this one right here--"

Snape sighed in exasperation. "Spare me your sarcasm, Potter."

"I could ask the same of you, Professor," Harry said mildly.

Snape wanted to ask, _When did you get a spine?_ but he said nothing.

Harry, seeing that he would provoke no more conversation from Snape, began to walk down the hall. Snape remained in the portrait he had temporarily taken (that of a large green pear with a smile and a lolling tongue that actually alarmed Snape a little bit), staring after him, unsure of exactly what just happened.

"I believe that's called a conversation, Severus," Dumbledore's voice came from the pear's mouth. Snape jumped in surprise, falling into the frame of a cluster of snoring nuns. None of them woke, fortunately, and Snape slowly shuffled back into the frame with the pear.

"_Albus_?"

The pear laughed. "It seems I was the subject of this particular artist's...inspiration. Although I am rather disappointed that I don't have arms or legs...or eyes or ears or a nose, for that matter..."

The pear sighed, and Severus imagined that it would be tugging its beard thoughtfully, had it a beard to tug-- or a hand to tug it with.

"Severus, I must ask that you leave Harry in peace. I'm sure he will be more than happy to answer your questions when the time comes-- allow him to adjust for the time being, though."

_I am talking to an enormous pear_, Severus thought. "Does Potter know that you..."

"Of course not. The poor boy would think he's mad if a pear started talking to him."

Severus decided not to respond to this, and the pear licked its lips before shutting its mouth as well.

**A/N**: For those of you wondering what Albus' other portrait looks like, here's a link, thoughtfully captioned by the...err..._people_ at Encyclopedia Dramatica.

images . encyclopediadramatica . com / images / b / bf / Lolwutpear.jpg

Please review. Critique is always welcome.


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